Silly Thoughts, volume 4

For some reason, this has been a year of celebrity memoirs for me. The snobby part of me wants to say that I'm not normally that way inclined. But in reality, I love a deep dive into the personal lives of people I occasionally see on the telly. I hear the conversations around celebrity worship and how we shouldn't take the opinions of anyone more seriously just because they happen to be famous, but it turns out I just don't care. I will pay to hear the deep inner thoughts of someone who happened to be in a comedy series I loved from the late '90s. (Literally, I do pay for this.)

Anyway. Last year, I picked up Alan Rickman's Madly, Deeply. I bought it expecting some interesting takes on how grimy and exhausting the life of an actor can be, alongside the occasional snippy little comment about other celebrities that he didn't particularly care for. I got that. I also got to the end and found myself moved by this line:

“Jurassic Park—what the hell is the plot? Great dinosaurs.”

Only joking. It was this bit, right at the start of his career in 1975, trying to make it:

'The thing inside me that keeps me going is like an arrow that begins somewhere in my gut and pushes upward into my throat and brain. Other people call it self-confidence - but that has not always been there, although the camouflages of doubt, question, insecurity, laziness etc., have given it different shapes. The blunts and blurs seem to have been mostly stripped away now, and it thrusts upward while I'm trying to sort out some kind of target.'

I find this quite thought-provoking. A man briefly suspended between the self-doubt that stops most people from trying, and the actual success he was aiming for. Just about ready to launch. No plan, only instincts.

Anyway, I do think there is value in celebrity memoirs, especially if they are written by a person whose work you particularly admire. It got me thinking about the key things I've taken from them. Memoirs often give advice, even if a bit bashfully. From David Mitchell's Back Story: that comedy is really important, actually. And also, love, that's important too. From Adam Buxton's Love You, Bye: that it's important to honour the past, but it's also important not to dwell in it too much. From Bob Mortimer's And Away: good friends are vital for a happy life. From Claudia Winkleman's Quite: good friends are vital for a happy life, and so are kick-ass boots, and you should take pleasure in art whenever possible.

What would my memoir tell people? I suppose I am writing one really long memoir by keeping up this newsletter. If we count blogs, I've been writing my memoir since I was fifteen. And then there are the dozens of journals stashed under the bed. (Although I'd rather people not go through these.) Here's what I would want people to know:

• You should support creative people if you want beautiful things in the world
• It's important to show love to people, even imperfectly
• It's okay not to have all the answers
• Don't take life for granted
• You should take collagen and do knee exercises

I'm not sure if any of that is coming across. If it's not, just know that underneath it all, this is what I want to say.

July. It's hot. It's been so hot. Most of this month has been me coping with both pain and intense heat waves.

Some things I've enjoyed this month:

• Shame by Skunk Anansi. Empire Ants by Gorillaz feat. Little Dragon. Two Way Street by Kimbra. Better Days by Tom Misch.
• Also: this performance of It Isn't Perfect But It Might Be by Olivia Dean. Missed out on tickets to see her in Bristol, and I still anxiously check every now and then to see if anyone is selling them 🥲
• Oscar Winning Tears by RAYE. Singing this at the top of my lungs makes washing up way more fun.
• The 2023 indie game Killer Frequency, in which you play a washed-up radio DJ in a small town, trying to help the locals escape a serial killer from behind your desk with the assistance of your producer. The first half an hour was a bit weird and not what I was expecting, but I soon settled into the silly groove of it, and was surprised by how unsettling it became.
• The Resident Evil 2 remake. Had many silly moments playing this with Chris. Leon is just really easy to make fun of. (Every now and then, he stumbles upon a perfectly boring zombie and shouts 'oh, GOD!' as though we haven't just spent the last five hours fighting them. What a goober.)
• The book The Passengers by Will Ashon. I've been flip-flopping on this. Initially, I wasn't convinced. It's a collection of short, anonymous confessions collected by Ashon. From a random collection of strangers. All of the voices felt samey to begin with, but I think that might be the way they're transcribed by Ashon. Eventually I got into it and I realised how much I was enjoying it, these short little snippets. It's like diving into the inner lives of strangers. If you've ever been stuck in a traffic jam and stared out of the window at other drivers and thought 'I wonder what they're thinking about?', you might enjoy this.
• Stardew Valley. Yes. Help me, for I have fallen into this once again. Nothing else exists in the periphery of my mind. Just Stardew.
• And finally, this Substack essay, A List of Things I Want to Tell Andrea by Megan Falley.💜