Not stronger

I’m not a huge New Year’s Resolution person, but this year, in the throes of exhaustion just after Christmas, I picked a theme for 2019:

Get stronger.

At the time I was feeling very drained, and I had an image of my ideal self in my head: not super-fit, but fitter. Stronger. I wanted to push my body with exercise to make it better, more able to fight off illness, strong enough to keep going even when things get tough. I also wanted to make myself stronger mentally. I felt anxious and stressed most of the time. What could I do to make myself stronger? Other people depend on me – how can I strengthen myself to deal with that?

And then I came down with pleurisy (which if you don’t know, is inflammation of the lining around the lungs, and no, I don’t smoke and I don’t really know how I got it).

It happened quite quickly, really: one moment I felt alright, the next, I had a weird, burning pain in my chest. Every time I inhaled, it hurt, and I felt like I couldn’t breathe properly. The doctor initially diagnosed me with flu. I went to work, like an idiot, because it was my last week there and I didn’t want to let them down.

It all went downhill from there, really.

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Life lately


I don’t even know what to say. It’s been a long time. Sorry if I’m a bit rusty. If you’re reading this you’re either a) nosy or b) committed to me in the sense of being a friend or family member and therefore feel an obligation to read my blog even if it’s just waffle and nonsense.

I’ll split this post into three parts to try and keep some kind of vague structure going, but I’m not gonna lie, this is going to be long. Here’s how I’ve been:

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