Why Her – Nicki Koziarz

I am a book reviewer for NetGalley, which means I received this book for free in exchange for a review. Click here for more information.

The Details

Author: Nicki Koziarz

Genre/category: Non-fiction/Christian life

Where can I buy it? Here

Release date: 6th March 2018


If you’re familiar with the Bible, you might remember the story of Rachel and Leah. Both sisters (in a kind of complicated turn of events) end up married to the same man – Jacob. What ensues is what can only be described as a battle for dominance, involving as many babies as possible.

Koziarz explores the intense feelings of bitterness, self-doubt, and jealousy that both Leah and Rachel must have felt, and through their story, she explores how we can deal with similar feelings, too. (Minus the popping-out-babies competition. And the polygamy. Or at least I hope so.)

I’ll admit now – because, you know, honesty is good – I do sometimes struggle with this. It’s taken me years to combat the feeling of immediate self-doubt when I learn of someone else’s victory, particularly if I’m not in a good place emotionally. So I was intrigued when I was accepted to review this book.

Koziarz identifies the struggles that come from a warped perspective of our identity, and how the same core issues that we face today can be found in Rachel and Leah’s story, too. The feeling of inadequacy. The way we so easily place ourselves in competition with others. How, instead of celebrating when another woman succeeds, we find ourselves asking ‘how come she gets that? Why her and not me?’

She offers six truths to reflect on when you are asking the question ‘why her?’:

  1. You Need To Be Honest
    ‘We love to shout our successes but seldom show our secret sorrows.’ Why is that? How has the advent of social media enabled us to gloss over our troubles and present a glossier, happier side of our lives? How does being pummeled with constant perfection impact us, and how can we be honest in the face of it?
  2. See It Like It Really Is
    Building from the first truth, this section explores what the stories we see vs. the stories other women are actually living out day to day. We need to develop the ability to understand – or at least question – what is going on below the surface of it all.
  3. You Don’t Always Have To Be Okay
    I particularly enjoyed this chapter. Koziarz has a hearty dislike of the phrase ‘I’m fine!’ which I completely understand. She explains how important it is to learn to just be sad sometimes. To be unafraid of looking weak in front of other people. How important it is to not pretend to be okay when you’re really not. And how to connect with others on a deeper level by keeping an eye on each others’ ‘soul health’. She also explores some ‘soul-care strategies’ that I found useful.
  4. You Didn’t Do Anything Wrong
    When we ‘fail’ – when we don’t land that job, when we don’t get that house, when we try to pull something off but we don’t succeed – how should we take it? Koziarz explains that perhaps that house, or job, or situation, was not yours to take in the first place, and how to be okay with that.
  5. Her Gain Is Not Your Loss
    I feel like I could have done with tattooing this somewhere on me a few years ago. (Alright, I may have regretted that later on. Which might also be why I don’t trust myself to get a tattoo.) Because how true is this truth? We make the mistake of believing that other people stepping into their calling means there’s less left for you to do. When others win, we all win.
  6. Let The Success Of Others Encourage, And Not Discourage You
    In this last section, Koziarz explores how to avoid the feeling of being discouraged by other peoples’ success, particularly if you work or serve in similar areas. Instead, she gives some practical steps as to how you can allow other peoples’ successes to inspire you to move forward in your own calling, instead of feeling threatened.

The whole book was full of ideas for prayer, scriptures to dwell on, and practical exercises. I took a star off because I didn’t find it as easily ‘readable’ as other books I have read recently, but I feel if this is an area you need help with, I’d definitely recommend it.



Find Out More

Author website  /  Twitter  /  Instagram

B&H Publishing on Facebook  /  Twitter  /  Instagram

Read More …

For the ruined ones.

In Bloom – Kayla Aimee

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